Current Gen Melt downs

[_skitzo_]

Sometimes, a game comes out that you wish the very existence of that publisher would be shunned from mankind.
Some of these games you've heard before, others..not so much.
Now in no particular order, here are some of this Gen's shit list games.


Anubis II (Wii)

How could a game that's main charter is a wolf dressed up to look like a sarcophagus be bad? Well according to the title this is a sequel I must have been sleeping during Anubis one.
Anyway you're a wolf, the savior of Egypt that fights off evil. If this isn't giving you a chubby in your pants, I don't know what will.

It's the simple run of the mill running through some ramps and platforms. Yep, nothing like ramps, and platforms, and platforms.....few more ramps.....every so often you will encounter some enemies, not a big deal, just waggle what WiiMote to fight them off. Considering you would have rather had waggled something else other than playing those game, it doesn't work. 90 percent of the time you waggle, wiggle throw the controller, and I swear your little wolf buddy stands there looking at you with pain in his eyes, asking "why are you playing me?" At this point you feel the need to shove your hand into a blender just to make sure this isn't some sick dream, but sadly not even the pain of blending your hand can't save you from this.
The camera..Now after many years of video games you'd think this is something that would be prefect by now wouldn't you? I guess no one at
UFO Interactive (I've sent them an email to have a name change to UPSG Interactive, Unplayable Shit Games Interactive, no word on a change yet) ever had a chance to play any video game known to man in the past 15 years? The brutal camera goes absolute bat shit when you enter free target mode, but half the game is spent setting the camera behind you, in a single frame at this time you think your television is about to combust and inside you wish it would.
The team thought it would be a great idea to make the game in yellow yes must of your environments are in a yellow shade, I guess that was done to show off what this game is good for. Just a spot to pee on in case you had a little too much to drink.
Animation...let's not go there....I'm sure most of you can take a can of whipped cream, do a whip it and sit down in front of a PC and create something better. Buy this game if you really hate someone, or wish to break up with a current significant other and don't know what to say..


Look at this..kids this is a main reason why you shouldn't do any form of drugs in your adult hood.

History Channel: Battle for the Pacific.(PS3/360)
Growing up, I'm sure all of us have said "fuck history" at one point or another. Well looks like someone at Activision took it to a whole new level with History Channel: Battle for the Pacific.
The game features the History Channel brand on it, so you would thing this would have some merit to historical wars. Nope, Activision was too busy documenting the war they declared on people, and how did they do this? With this fucking game..

One thing that really sticks out to me about this game is how real it is. I mean you are accompanied by solders during missions that happen to be completely impenetrable to gunfire. After you watch them walk through a haze of gun fire with not even a paper cut to show for it, they start killing the enemy in point blank range. How's that for winning a war?
The story? What story you do missions, for no apparently reason you have to aid or assist these soldiers that can't be shot. I can go on about other shit missions but then I would be passing the pain to the readers, rather not.

Once again to no surprise to me the camera is fucked up. How can you fuck up FPS camera? Easy...some fucktard figured when you need to look to your left, or to your right, up or down for that matter it should take you no less than 2 minutes to complete such task. I never timed how long it takes me to turn my head in real life, but I'm it's a hell of a lot faster than this.

"Johnny is getting shot to the left scout the area quickly men"
"I would Sir, but It takes me two minutes to turn my head...hang in there Johnny"
It does have some nice eye candy but its ruined when the screen started to shake like a junkie needing a fix.
The game is two hours long, so at least the pain isn't a long lasting paint. I figured I'd test this game along side with taking a hammer to my skull. Sadly the Hammer to the skull game won.
I don't know if I unlocked anything else to keep the game longer than two hours, I hate this game, and I hate the team that was behind this game. Fuck you....

Up next another war game (I'm a sucker for these aren't I)
Hour of Victory (who cares)
Umm..this is another WW II game...made by shit heads...
Welcome to the battle land kids, the game full of bugs, you learn that your gun servers no purpose in gun combat, but rather clubbing someone to death with it. I'm not joking don't even think about firing one fucking round, run and bash face in. It's effective and according to this game, how the war was won.
If you care, and I don't the story is very broken. You start at one mission, jump to another part of the war, nothing flows or blends together. But if you are playing this game you deserve whatever pain you suffer.
This is as far as I got with this game before I turned it off. You can pick between a sniper, or an frontline solider. This is when it's clear fuck the sniper you want to be in the frontline, why? You have the Jesus Christ of melee attacks that kills anyone with one hit.

(Why doesn't this game have a suicide feature?)
If you are asking why I turned it off so soon? The game is ugly...also its full of bugs shit stops working for no apparently reason or glitch in and out of areas. You don't give this to someone you hate, this is how bad it is.
Thanks Midway....


Up Next...
Spy Games: Elevator Mission (Wii)
Where to begin...umm the control works? That's got to be accountable for something.
If you even care, as to my surprise when found out what the story is you're playing the role of a secret agent sent to rescue vital documents from a terrorist network. So you are placed in some 50 story building shooting your way to these documents. Last I checked most secret agents tend to stay in the shadows and work slowly to the prize. Not this game, fuck it..run around like a bat out of hell with guns a blazing'.
You can jump, duck but after breaking your wrist doing so, you notice to pull the fuck it and run and shoot game play. Far more effective..and saves years on your wrist.
The game looks the same, every fucking floor looks the same, every enemy looks the same. If this is the real life of a secret agent, fuck you. I don't want anything to do with it.
I stopped playing this game very quickly the same cookie cut level design started to make me cry tears of blood.


By the way, thanks for another shit game UFO Interactive.

[emokid15]

but what I absolutely MUST know is, what happened to Johnny? Did he go all bat shit insane full stop RAMBO style and pull through? Or did your slow ass head turning cost this country another fine soldier.

*poor johnny*